The special sauce (Alternative Title: Intrinsic Essence)

I was speaking to someone recently and the conversation moved to how he prefers Z**m to other conferencing platforms just because its what they use at his company. I had asked if there was really any other reason he looked down on other platforms and he said no, the choice to use his preferred platform just makes it cooler.

It made me realise that there are actually people that believe things are cool/great/awesome just because they are into it. This applies to loving people, dogs, a job, a hobby — they automatically believe that their interest elevates the subject matter, almost like they are the essence needed for something that was once seen as neutral to become ‘cool’. If they take up gardening and plant then gardening is THE hobby above all else.

Then, there are people like me who have varied loves and interests but don’t view it as anything special or new. In fact, many times I will admit that my interests are dorky or weird, and in a way, I wonder if that makes me not view them in high regard.

Sometimes, someone will compliment me or say something kind to me and my instinct is to assume they are saying that just to be kind, not because they really mean it. Same way when people say they look up to me I recoil, because, honestly, what are you looking up to? You don’t even know me.

Is this dichotomy a function of low self-esteem? I’m curious to test out this theory, and now that I am aware of it (and have been for a few months now) I am taking note of all the ways in which my perception of myself shows up in the way I interact with others and the value I place on my experiences and interests.

This idea (I don’t even know if this is the right term to call it) is still forming, but I will continue to update on my experience.